Why Love Isn't Enough in a Relationship | Xandria Ooi | HER Network

Xandria Ooi is a Happiness Advocate. She creates daily videos to inspire and motivate people to practice a happy and positive mindset with simple, easy-to-understand concepts and reminders. Subscribe to her channel here: https://www.youtube.com/user/xandriaooi
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When we fall in love with someone, it’s because we have things in common. So naturally, our mind’s hooked on to the idea that we’re similar. But, whilst we may have similarities with our partner, we’re extremely different people.

No matter how alike we are on the surface, no matter how much we love each other, it’s extremely important to have the mindset that this person is an individual who comes from a completely different background, upbringing, mindset or even culture.

Because expectations is the cause of most problems in a relationship, and the expectation that we are the same causes disappointment and frustration and resentment when our partner doesn’t get us; but the acknowledgement that we very different people who love each other leads us down the path of patience and seeking to understand even when there’s a disagreement.

The work of any relationship lies in the ability to rise above things that trigger us, that sets us off. It requires more mental practice than simply good intentions, because we can have all the good intentions in the world when we’re in a good mood and things are going well, but the moment we’re frustrated or angry, life-long habits are triggered and we react negatively despite our good intentions.

When we’re in a relationship, we may be in a team, but we’re two very different people on the same team. Whether or not we’re able to adjust to the differences depends on our own mental and emotional capabilities. So working at our relationships means constantly working on ourselves.

Love is amazing, but love isn’t enough in a relationship, because it takes empathy, understanding and a lack of expectations to still be kind and to still be loving even when we’re angry. That’s the work of a relationship, and it’s the kind of work that will pay off both for our own self-development and the quality of our relationship, where we’ll be able to be happy, always.

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