Do This If He Has An Avoidant Attachment Style - 7 Frustrating Signs!

In this video, you will learn 7 alarming signs that your man has an avoidant attachment style. These signs are based on years of research on adult attachment theory. So, if you’re dating a man who avoids commitment and emotional intimacy or pulls away when you get close, then you must watch this video because I’m going to tell you exactly what to do to bring him closer and get the loving relationship you deserve.

You see, In an ideal situation, two people begin dating and have similar relationship goals and intimacy needs. In this case, one partner’s intimacy needs are satisfied and reciprocated by the other. They are both authentic with their feelings and comfortable with how the relationship progresses. They are in alignment.

However when couples disagree about the relationship goals or the degree of closeness and intimacy they want in their relationship, serious problems can arise. For example, consider a new dating situation where one partner craves intimacy and closeness and wants a warm, loving, and committed relationship. On the other hand, her partner is more avoidant and uncomfortable with too much closeness or intimacy and values independence and freedom above all. Clearly, the couples intimacy needs are incongruent… I mean they are practically opposites.

This sets the stage for what I call the Relationship Intimacy Dance that is common when you’re dating a person with an avoidant attachment style. You see, As a new relationship develops, the partner with a secure or an anxious attachment style attempts to intensify and deepen the relationship by getting closer and increasing their engagement and intimacy. On the other hand, their avoidant partner has the opposite reaction. Because he is uncomfortable with too much closeness and intimacy, he deactivates, pulls away, and tries to distance himself from his partner.

So, What happens next? Well, if you watch youtube videos or follow popular dating advice (like many of the ones that I have made) you will probably engage in some type of protest behavior or some action that tries to get his attention back and reestablish closeness.
You respond to his distancing with your own distancing strategies that are intended to wake him up and pay attention. So, you try to make him miss you by not being available, or you stop calling him and wait for him to initiate, or you don’t appear to care too much. You make more plans with your friends and family. You take the focus off of him and You make yourself busy so you appear to be this strong, independent, high value woman. And guess what happens? it works like magic.

You’ve given him the distance or space he needs, he worries that you no longer need him or that he is losing you, you appear more attractive, his attachment system gets activated and he begins to pursue and chase you again. And just like that, he shows you that he needs you and wants you, and you get the reconciliation and the closeness that you want and need. Everything is great, right? Well, not if your man has an avoidant attachment style.

If your man has an avoidant attachment style, this newly re-established closeness is short lived. And As soon as you let your guard down again, as soon as you show your authentic feelings and get closer, your avoidant partner feels uncomfortable with the intimacy, gets cold feet, and then disengages again and distances himself again.

That’s the push-pull, run-and-chase Relationship Intimacy Dance. That’s a cycle that can literally go on for years and years. When you get close and show your feelings, he pulls away.. then you get frustrated and pull away, and he begins to pursue you and get closer. It’s a cycle of exacerbating each other’s insecurities and maintaining the stable instability of the this troubled relationship.

And if you have an anxious attachment style, you remain in a state of uncertainty and dissatisfaction that can go on for years without ever finding the degree of intimacy that you want. But, when you recognize and understand that your partner has an avoidant attachment style, you become empowered to make some changes that I will talk about in a min. But it all starts with knowing the sings to look for.

I’m Dr Antonio Borrello, and I’m a psychologist and relationship coach. This channel is all about helping you build great relationships so you can grow happy with the people you love. So, if you’re interested in dating advice and relationship advice that is focused on making your love life the best part of your life, start now by subscribing here.

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